Ok internet super parents, we need to talk. I’ve been thinking it over and I just don’t think I can promise to stop yelling at my children. I mean I don’t yell a lot, I really don’t but I just don’t need the extra guilt when tension gets high and I end up raising my voice.
I think the ‘good parent’ bar is starting to getting a little too high.
In the hopes that I would be a super dad I have been trying to eliminate refined sugar, and processed foods where I can. We try to make as many of our meals from scratch as possible. Staying away from anything that comes in a box. When we are in a rush and I have to break down and pick up fast food, or make pizza I always feel like I am feeding my children poison. And now that it is BBQ season and we have been eating hot dogs more often I feel even worse.
Likewise we are trying to eliminate screen time where we can. ‘No TV is good TV seems’ to be the super parent slogan. To be totally honest it is really hard making all those meals from scratch with toddlers running around, and sometimes I flick on Netflix. I know shouldn’t let them watch Diego, or My Little Pony’s because every minute they watch tv they are slowly turning into maladjusted sociopaths.
Also I try not to be one of ‘those parents‘ that just ‘take‘ their children to park to play and not play with them. I try to avoid doing something horrible like talk to another adult, read a book, or worst of all use my cell phone. But sometimes after I post a picture to Facebook of my children doing something adorable on the slide I admit I sneak a peek at my newsfeed. Thankfully there is usually someone there to glare at me to remind me that I am missing the most precious moments of the most precious years of their lives.
I love my children. I love taking a very active role in their daily lives. I just don’t think I can handle any more guilt about not being a perfect parent. So I am going to reserve the right to, from time to time, raise my voice. Unless of course you’d be willing to let me have some TV time back. Especially around supper.
A Little More On The Subject
Here is a great blog post that is worried that yelling might become the new spanking. Also I took my picture from that blog.
All I can say is, amen to that!
I think I’ve given up on trying to reach that bar. My goal on most days is just to survive. And yes, we yell. I will say – I’ve started yelling less in favour of the really serious whisper. It gets Cameron’s attention and lets him know that he is in trouble without scaring Gavin. 🙂
You gotta love the close serious whisper, that is my favourite you’re in trouble voice too,
I think every parent needs to do what is best for their family.
When I take my kids to the playground, I have no problem taking a book to read (my Luddite version of taking a phone!) and my boys know that if they need help with an apparatus, that means they’re not ready for it. They have that time to play for their own entertainment and figure things out as they go. I’m there if someone gets hurt. 😥 Other playground parents are very hands-on but just like I’m not going to slap a label of ‘helicopter parent’, on them, I hope they don’t slap an adjective of ‘lazy’ on me! 🙂 For us, this way of behaving at the playground makes sense and we have our quality time elsewhere.
As for the yelling, this is something I feel very convicted that *I* have to work on. It makes me miserable and is very cyclical in our family. I’m trying to break the habit not so much because I think I’m a bad parent (hoo boy, I have so many more things that would qualify me for that label!) but because I need to get my stress under control.
Great post! Keep them coming!
Thanks Allison. I get why people are doing it. My Dad during the time when spanking was the norm decided after he spanked me once that we would never do it again because he hated the way it made him feel.
Also props for using ‘Luddite’
I found it so funny that you blogged about this today, and I started the Orange Rhino challenge today so I can try harder to yell less. I think it’s important to note the difference between raising your voice, to yelling, to screaming. They are all very different. I don’t yell too often (which is usually still too often because It’s often out of my own impatience than anything) and I definitely raise my voice way too often. I just did it as I was writing this!!! So hard to find patience with 3 little ones running around, but for me I have to try to keep a cap on it or I find my mood taking nosedive and my voice gets louder and louder.
You are right there is a big difference between a raised voice and a full out yell. And it is tough to find the patience if everyone is being loud, or crying or getting into things. I hope you do well with it, I won’t even tease you if you slip a little.
Don’t lie… you’ll tease a little 😉
Yeah I will…Maybe that should be my one month challenge, no teasing…no I won’t do that either.
I’m so not a perfect parent & while I know there are many, many things I could do to improve, I also need to give myself the grace to know that I cannot do it all everyday. Parenting is hard, hard work. You’re on 24/7, you don’t get vacation time or sick time and you can’t always parent with a giant smile on your face. I’m human. All I can do is pick myself back up, apologize to my kids if I need to and start again in the morning. The bar is high, I agree, but I think part of it is that we only see partial stories online, or even in person. After all, does anybody really post about their crappy parenting days?
It really is a shame that we only see those partial stories online. Our tweets, or updates are about our kids doing something awesome or how great the dinner we made was or how nice our spouse was. It can be hard to see through all of the spin and really see what a persons life is like.
Hi Chris. As you know, I’m not a parent. I’m a teacher. My natural instinct wasn’t to yell at my students but I started doing it because the other teachers did and the message seemed to be, “if you don’t occasional yell, the children won’t respect your authority and they’ll walk all over you.” When I got into the yelling habit, though, I started to hate going to work. My constant negativity “Don’t run in the halls!” instead of singsongy positivity “please walk, la la la” hurt me more than it hurt the children. Moreover, it didn’t work. I have found that children immediately comply with softly spoken or sung instructions way more often than yelled instructions so I’m back to that. Don’t worry about being Super-Dad, Chris, but do be Happy Dad. Avoid yelling, not for the children’s sake, but yours. I think you’ll find that yelling at the air is exhausting and ineffective while speaking calmly to your children is refreshing and effective.
That is a wise word Kendra, yelling often is a sign of frustration and I do find softer discussions more effective.
I will admit, I too fall prey to the raising my voice category. I have a 3 1/2 year spirited little girl who tests every limit there is. You sound like an awesome Dad! Keep doing what your doing- Being the best you can be for your kids!
That really is all we can do, try to be our best and hope one day our children will understand and forgive us for the mistakes we make.
If I have to live by the Super Parents Rules, I will be an abject failure. I just fed my kids pizza for dinner because I cooked 4 days in a row, and it’s Friday, so there. Also, they get 30 minutes of screen time with breakfast, so Mama can drink her tea while it’s hot. If I don’t stay sane, I’ll be a worse parent. And yelling? I try not to, but sometimes, I do. I think we sometimes forget we’re only human. Not superhuman. As much as I like to be.
I agree, I have had days where I have reheated my coffee 4 times because every time I would sit down to take a sip I was suddenly needed.
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