Disclaimer– This blog is about the vasectomy I just had. I have not gone into any real graphic detail, but that is the topic. If just knowing the fact that I just had a vasectomy puts you pretty close to the TMI line you may want to click here and read a cute story about Ariella colouring Simeon with a marker instead.
Once we were expecting our third child I knew I’d have a vasectomy. There was little question in my mind. I only wanted three kids, the third was on the way case closed. A few months ago I visited with my doctor, who sent me to a specialist for a consult. About one month later I was laying on a doctor’s bed getting the deed done.
Since I made this decision and had the procedure I have been asked a number of questions worth answering. I have collected a few them them here;
1. Why Did You Decide To Get A Vasectomy?
This is one is easy. I don’t want any more children but I still want to have sex with my wife. In my mind I had three basic choices; 30ish years of contraceptive hoping to never have an ‘oops’ moment; Meghan could have surgery, I could have a vasectomy. It was never difficult for us to be expecting so I figured the possibility of an ‘oops moment’ was too high. A hysterectomy is major surgery, a vasectomy is two days on the couch, some over the counter pain medication and an ice pack. The choice seemed obvious to me
2. What Was It Like?
The procedure is comparable to having your wisdom teeth out. The freezing hurt, the rest of it was weird pressure sensations. Only this was all happening a little further south than any dentist appointment I have even had. The most painful part of the whole ordeal was when the doctor cleaned the area with an antiseptic alcohol solution. The antiseptic + the surgical lamp gave me a new appreciation for the phrase ‘liar liar pants on fire’.
3. What Did You Do While It Was Happening?
I stared at the ceiling and I tried very hard to not move. I was worried the same rules that applied in the barber shop would also apply on the vasectomy bed. If you accidentally take too much off even more has to go to even it out. Also every now and again I would see smoke wafting up so I also tried to breath through my mouth. I have gone 30 years without knowing what seared flesh smells like and I saw no reason to change that. I know people call it getting snipped but it really is more like getting burned. After Monday I will never look at a wood burning kit quite the same way.
4. Would You Do It Again?
Oh God I hope I don’t have to do it again. I said it wasn’t too bad but it’s not like I want to make it my hobby.
5. So You Are Going To Be Eunuch I Wouldn’t Do That.
This isn’t really a question but I heard some variation of this a few times so I thought it was worth addressing. First I had a vasectomy I wasn’t castrated. Everything is still there and it all works fine for what I want to be able to do. This seems to stem from the idea that you’re not really a man if you can’t father children. I never really thought about that way. Still if it helps think about it like this; I was such a virile man I needed to have medical intervention to ensure I didn’t accidentally father more children.
During the lead up to the procedure Meghan started asking weird and what I would consider somewhat morbid questions. Just for fun here my two favorite;
1. But What If One Of The Kids Die, Wouldn’t You Want To Be Able To Have Another One?
Meghan they are not puppies, if one of the children dies I am not going out to get a new one to replace them.
2. But What If We ALL Die, Wouldn’t You Want To Have A Family Again?
If you ALL die and for some reason I want to have a family again I will go out and marry a single mom that has children out of diapers.